This year our group did something a little different. Due to a combination of low participants (we were gathering on a weeknight) and the needs of one of our members we didn't recognize Samhain with ritual this year. Instead, six of us gathered together with our hurting friend and shared a meal. We listened as our dear friend talked about her current challenges, we offered advice, we held her in our little circle of warmth, affection, and trust.
For something lighter, and yet insightful, we played with a deck of Oracle cards that one of the women had been inspired to bring with her. Oracle cards are similar to Tarot cards, in that they consist of a deck of cards, each with an image and word printed on them. Each card is associated with a meaning or message that the deck's author has assigned them. Unlike Tarot cards, I haven't seen any set spreads or layouts for a number of Oracle cards. Instead, you choose one card and sit with its meaning.
One of the other women read the author's meaning of the card and the word that stayed with me was "surrender." So now I'm thinking about my relationship with my body and the emotions that, for example, prompt me to eat when my body is not hungry as one of surrender. Surrender to the feelings that trigger unhealthy reactions in how I treat my body. Feel the feelings. Pause, hold off the reaction, choose a healthier response to the emotions.
But I've thought about taking this approach before so maybe now there's a little more to it. Maybe it's about surrendering to the fact that I've got a little problem here. This problem is not some simple little habit that I need to change. It's a pattern of avoidance that goes on in the back of my mind or in the creases of my heart when uncomfortable feelings come up that I can't do anything about. The last year or more have been focused on doing solutions. Like, finding a lawyer, completing paperwork, achieving divorce deadlines, finding and starting anew job... The end of the divorce is near. Maybe surrender is about shifting my perspective from so much doing to more being.
Being in my body. Being in my emotions. Being aware of this pattern of avoidance that I've enlisted to get the doing done. Being aware of the power this pattern has over me. Preparing to be in a new space where I can both do and be.