As for me, I hardly knew what to do with all my free time. I figured it out. I listened to music, which Little N does not enjoy, made frequent trips to the beach before or after work, and visited with friends. Night time was the hardest. Without the routine for my little man I didn't know when to go to bed. I found myself staying up late, puttering around, or watching Netflix.
Admittedly, this week alone did not see the best use of my time. I didn't complete any of the ambitious projects that I always imagine I'll endeavor with more free time. My desk is still covered in bills and important documents. My cupboard is a straggly stash of notebooks and art supplies. There are photos and toys and Little N's school work to organize... sigh
I did relax. I did enjoy things that I don't get to do while taking care of Little N. Even "wasting time" in the evenings was a treat.
I wasn't planning to become a mother when I learned the Little N was on the way all those years ago. I had big imaginings of what I would do with my time. It's been a long process of grieving the life I expected and embracing the life, the motherhood, that I have. Oh, but I missed Little N while he was away. I was so happy to see him running toward me at the airport, to rub noses with him in the car, and to feel his snug little arms around me when we finally hugged at home. I was glad (and sympathetic) that he was sad to see me leave him at home with his dad while I went back to the office this morning. This boy is my life now. I am so happy to have him in it and have him home.